How Motherhood Can Bring Up Past Childhood Traumas—and What to Do About It
- Salina Grilli, LCSW
- Mar 31
- 3 min read
Becoming a mother is one of the most profound transitions in life. It’s beautiful, messy, overwhelming, and deeply transformative. But what many new moms don’t expect is how this new role can unearth unresolved childhood wounds. Suddenly, the way you were parented—whether nurturing or neglectful—feels closer than ever as you navigate caring for your own baby.
If you’ve noticed unexpected emotions surfacing, you’re not alone. And let’s be real—this is not because you’re doing anything wrong. It’s because motherhood is a mirror, reflecting back our deepest fears, wounds, and hopes. The good news? You have the power to heal and grow through this.
Why Motherhood Can Bring Up Past Childhood Experiences
Revisiting Your Own Childhood Experiences -You might find yourself wondering, “Was I loved enough? Did I feel safe? Am I repeating patterns I swore I’d break?” These thoughts are normal. Becoming a mother can bring up memories of how you were nurtured (or not) as a child, making you more aware of what you want to change.
The Pressure to Be the ‘Perfect’ Mom - Every generation has its version of the “perfect mom,” and spoiler alert: she doesn’t exist. But if you grew up with high expectations, criticism, or neglect, you might feel extra pressure to get everything right. The truth? You don’t need to be perfect—you just need to be present and loving.
Your Inner Child is Speaking Up - If you find yourself feeling unusually emotional, reactive, or overwhelmed, it might not just be about your baby—it might be about the little version of you who didn’t get what she needed. This isn’t a setback. It’s an invitation to heal.
Sleep Deprivation and Emotional Exhaustion - Let’s be honest—no one is their best self running on three hours of sleep and cold coffee. When you’re physically and emotionally drained, old wounds can feel more raw. This isn’t a sign that you’re broken. It’s a sign that you need care, too.
Past Experiences That Can Resurface
Emotional Neglect: If you grew up in a home where your emotions weren’t validated, you might struggle with soothing your baby because no one ever soothed you.
Overly Critical Parenting: If you had parents who were constantly nitpicking or setting impossible standards, you may find yourself doubting every parenting decision you make.
Feeling Unloved or Unseen: If you often felt invisible as a child, motherhood can bring up deep fears about whether you’re connecting with your baby enough.
Lack of a Safe, Stable Environment: If your childhood was unpredictable or chaotic, you may feel extra anxious about creating a sense of security for your child.
Parentification (Being Forced to Grow Up Too Soon): If you had to take care of your parents instead of being cared for, motherhood might feel overwhelming because you were never really mothered yourself.
What You Can Do About It:
Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment - It’s okay to feel this way. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. Becoming aware of your emotions and understanding their origins can be the first step toward healing.
Get Support from Someone Who Gets It - You don’t have to process this alone. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you untangle the past so it doesn’t dictate your present.
Consider EMDR or Trauma Therapy - EMDR therapy can be a game changer when it comes to processing unresolved childhood trauma. The goal isn’t to erase the past—it’s to take away its power over you.
Reparent Yourself While Parenting Your Child - This is your chance to give yourself the love, patience, and grace you may not have received as a child. And by doing so, you’re also giving it to your baby.
Motherhood isn’t just about raising your child—it’s about mothering yourself, too. If you find past wounds creeping in, know this isn’t a sign of failure. It’s an opportunity for healing, growth, and breaking cycles.
At Manhattan Modern Therapy, we specialize in supporting new moms through the emotional challenges of motherhood. If this resonates with you, reach out—we’d love to help you navigate this journey with compassion and care.
Opmerkingen